4 Months: Inevitably Uncertain

Chapter 33: March 6, 2020-July 6, 2020 (a super long and personal entry)

Well this has been a rather bizarre 4 months, wouldn’t you say? On March the 6th, we celebrated career day at school. I was feeling super cute and oozing with confidence. I mingled with all of the presenters. I snapped photos on my brand new camera. We were 6 months into school and I was finally figuring out exactly what my newest responsibilities entailed. Not only that, I started going to the doctor and dentist again that week to reclaim my physical, mental and oral health.

I had just announced the return of my ion Ryan website. So I made a remix of one of my favorite Facebook headers ever: a to do list that looked like it was sitting on my desk. The list had things I planned to do over the next 6-12 months. You can find it in my FB cover photo album. On the 7th, I stopped by our school’s first ever science olympiad competition where we did exceptionally well. Later that night, I was with friends and extended family for a surprise 30th birthday celebration. From there, I went right downtown to set up for an early morning CHOP event. I finished setting up at 5:02AM on the 8th.

I slept for a while, opened Facebook and I saw a post that implied that one of my employees who had a long and hard journey was officially pregnant with twins. I texted her and she confirmed as much. It was a great way to start the day. I put on a pair of skinny jeans and took silly selfies in the mirror, sending them to the people who might boost my confidence a little more. I started researching lasik consults because I was sick of my glasses.

Monday morning, my class and I watched Friday Night Lights. I was trying to show them the power of handheld cameras and zooming plus, admittedly, it had been a long weekend. For some reason, I grabbed my college degree from the recesses of a closet that morning and decided it was time to hang it in my office. Later that night, my ex and I were able to 1000% magnanimously divvy up and bury the hatchet on the past. With a couple payments, I’d own the equity in the house and be ready for a new chapter of my life.

I was feeling better, looking better and I was ready for a brighter future. The rest of the week was kind of incredible too. I finally fixed up the TV studio at school. Our swim and basketball teams were trucking along in their state tourneys. I took a picture of all the spring sports schedules and planned to design something super cool and release them online. I took photos of the students practicing for the play so I could make a post on our school’s page the following week. Our mathletes won another thing and we started planning a hype video for the next thing they were definitely going to win. We also hosted a bunch of 7th graders that week and I got to talk to prospective students. One of my favorite things, of course.

My housemate Scott helped me do a thorough inventory on my vintage Star Wars toys. I made a plan to buy one of the final 25 or so figures I was missing after each big event I had this year. I spoke to my contacts at the Eagles about the next 2 months of events (there were 5 huge ones in there) then pitched an expansion of services for the season. I also connected with some other clients for the first time via personal social media (they’re young and hip too, it made sense) and that felt like a positive because I’m semi-likable online if for no other reason than the fact that I’m an open book (As evidenced by what you’re reading here). Also, I always focus on the business better in the spring because I love sitting down listening to baseball and working.

Quite honestly, it was the best that life had been in so long. Health, business, school, financially, personally, hobby-wise. Every single thing was basically in order thanks to a couple good weeks. I was caught up or ahead for the first time in about 33 years. Then Friday March 13th hit and all of our lives got turned upside down. Almost every single aforementioned thing in my own life disappeared, changed or was thrown into flux. As I juxtaposed the moment of clarity I had finally reached just days before vs the new global uncertainty, I took it so personally. I remember writing in my journal, “God must just hate me.” Friends and family would check in on me and it’d have this polar opposite effect: every conversation would be me just rambling off a list of everything that had suddenly changed and why my life was now ruined because of what I lost due to covid. I tried my best but as 2 weeks turned into 2 months, I was losing it.

But here’s what I learned recently: time and change are both equally inevitable. Regardless of if covid occurred or not, this time would have passed and unexpected changes would have occurred. Sure, this unparalleled stretch was filled with monumental change but there is no reason why we can’t meet it with monumental growth. Maybe the past 6 months-5 years were like…the worst for me. But maybe the next 6 months-5 years will be the best. Only time can give us that answer! That’s the most utterly horrifying and incredibly exciting thing about life: the vastly uncertain future! Here’s to a better second half of 2020!


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